Obliged

Its the last day of the month. I have not blogged as much as I had intended to do this month. (New years non-resolving to resolve ever again, down the drain.) I was highly distracted. I'm now making a commitment to change my environment- because I have to stop resisting my nature. I was born with it- and to fight it, has torn me to shreds that leave me all over the place. My brain and my body. So I must give in. Make small changes to help/adhere to the way I am, instead of trying to be something I'm not and constantly beat myself up. JUST GIVE IN :)

If you are lazy, undisciplined, you find no motivation in your mundane day to day- you feel you are not living up to the standards that will propel you to succeed, you are made to believe that it is a bad thing. The thing is- its not good or bad. It is what it is. Change your environment to be conducive to the way that you were born. If you are like me, you grew up struggling and asking questions to yourself about why you couldn't be more productive. You were constantly making lists upon lists of to dos. You tried really hard to follow a strict schedule. You would dream about your perfect day in which you got up early tackled your list, and still had time to relax in the evening. Its the perfect balance that we crave. Alas, it is futile.

There is a down fall. Those people who are highly disciplined and live a structured life also lack in other areas of life. They don't feel emotion as intensely as those that are labeled as lazy or dreamers, or artists. But the artists gain in other areas of lie that fulfill them in different ways. Is it a trade off? Why is that so? They are not as spontaneous and can often miss out on the small details of life that pass them by on the daily. The details in which I find- bring me happiness.

Its all about your perspective. But how to maintain that? Jobless and a horrible economy with hope hard to find on those dreaded wintry days, its hard to come across then sunshine within yourself - (if you will, I know , super cheesy analogy)
There are people in the world with much less than you have. The computer you are reading from. The internet I am utilizing as a vehicle in expressing myself, in offering perspective, is taken for granted. How easy is it for me to call my father half way across the world? To send him a text message? In an instant I can have the gratification I need to fulfill the basic needs of a human being. emotionally and physically. Feel blessed. Count them, one . two. three. You are lucky. Things will get better.