Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy Time

Im here to wish you a happy New Year.
For all the goals and dreams that are yet to be fulfilled in the coming year, I wish the best to you and yours.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

To be or ...Just to be.

OK. I'm ready now.

Sometimes having too much too say makes a person not know what to say at all. We go around with so many thoughts in our heads... So much we want to say to the world, so much to confess, proclaim, and so much we desire in life that it becomes overwhelming and you just dont know where to start. So you simply . Dont.

Its a little thing I learned in college when I had a really long tedious paper to do or research I needed to get going on, but I simply wouldn't because the task was so daunting, .. it would take away so much from me, and in the end after I have procrastinated so much about it, I am left with the stress and drama of doing it...It seems like its the only way to get anywhere. leaving it all to the wind and then let it all come crashing out like a stream of random BS, or sometimes not. Sometimes taking that baby step of just starting on a project is half of the progress... then it all ebbs and flows and ebbs and flows...

Its what I have learned about writing, and myself.
Just do it.

I'm alone on 'Christmas Eve' - and although my family never celebrated it when I was growing up- I still have a sense of obligation to myself to neglect my daily routine and do something- anything .

Just because its a holiday that everyone else takes part in regardless of their belief in it?? It seems more like an American tradition for a lot of people more than the meaning of it. If you don't do anything special during this time of year, you inevitably feel like an outsider. Its like an instilled feeling-- or expectation that society puts on people during times like these. What if you dont have any family? What happens when all your friends are with their families... are you just expected to sit around and feel lonely? Just because........ ?

Being with family can be painful for some people. I understand that its not because they dont love them, but sometimes its because we love them so much that its to painful to be around them. The overwhelming sense that these people you grew up with are now all living their own lives. We are all so uninvolved with one another , and its kind of heartbreaking. So we simply avoid it. We go through the acts and motions of being there during the holidays and exchanging smiles and small talk because its what expected. -- regardless of all you have been through together with "these people" . Yea- you are blood.

Being with yourself and enjoying your own company is very important. Its part of self love. But being with other people or a significant other can also suffocate you. Where is the happy balance, and how can one 'keep it real' all through out?

When I was growing up, we never had a Christmas tree or lights or any other the other shenanigans. But my family would still drive around and look at all the elaborate light displays. I would still bring cookies to class in elementary school for all the holiday celebrations. I would celebrate all the holidays everywhere else outside of my own home. My parents were the kind that would drag me and my other three brothers to dinner parties every other weekend. It seemed pretty normal most of the time. The families were almost always Arab. More so, Muslim Arabs. But on one particular cold December night we went to a house with lights and Christmas trees. they were also Arab; Christians. I was so confused as to why or how Arabs - regardless of their religion would have a tree in their house. It never occurred to me that Christian Arabs existed. I asked the little girl at the house why they had a tree . She said it was for Christmas of course. at the time I was skeptical about if she had lied and said they were Muslim and they just wanted to celebrate Christmas- because that is what she had told me, or what were they really??
On the drive home my dad said that they were Muslims, but had a tree because it was just American culture to have a tree up and they were trying to copy everyone else!
Imagine how confused I was. All I knew was that we were Muslim, and didn't celebrate the birth of Jesus.

To say the least, I am still confused. Would it be okay to put up a tree and go along with the traditions of giving and the nine yards of trees and lights - just because it was fun? -Or is it not because Muslims dont believe that they should imitate? What is the real story behind all this Christmas time anyway? We all know that Santa was a fabrication... but why? And who decided that we would celebrate the birth of Jesus like this? Besides, dont Christians believe that he was born in a barn and not under a tree? I was taught that Jesus was born under a tree. A palm tree. A lot of Muslims think that by participating in all the festivities of Christmas that you are committing a sin. -because you are associating the practices with yourself - as a Muslim. We have our holidays, and we should stick to those only. When did other religions, for example... atheists, do they celebrate Christmas? Who decided that? What is celebrated because of the tradition and culture, and what is celebrated because of its true meaning? Will majority of Muslims in America get to that point too?

What is the harm? I do know I celebrate Halloween and Valentines day. Is it because there is no religious significance in those holidays? Or is Halloween a satanic celebration, as some Muslims would say, and I shouldn't have fun with that either? Am I playing with fire? God knows.

I sincerely do wish my friends, and you, have a 'merry Christmas' though. From the bottom of my heart.


Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Lil Writer

Im itching to write.

I have no time.

Im still alive and kickin.

I still read your blog.

My cat Bastian chewed off my internet router cord. I hate not having internet at home. but-- he still is.. the cutest creature in my life right now.

Catch up soon,

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Tapestry of Selves

I am one of those people that always has their inbox open as the first tab in their browser. therefore I am perpetually checking my email. Junk mail arrives and I delete it. I get all the coupons from stores I shop at, and most of the time they go to trash because I tell myself that if I delete it right away I wont know the deals and I will save money.

Yesterday I decided to open an email I got from American Eagle about some 30% off. I was confused of its contents.

Since when did Glam or party girl mean a baret and a button down? I understood that it is American Eagle and their style is usually very plain aka "American" So I decided to give them another shot on click on the Ad. Yet, still- Their party shop was nothing party like. I know the brand is appealing to a specific type of American girl. The girl next door who doesn't have much creativity except to wear whatever the store says she should put together. The clothes ARE BORING. They can look really cute- but the thing is, not on all women. I know this because when I try on this American girl look it just doesn't match. I feel and look like I am in high school. It works for tall, chest less, petite women; maybe. They are leggy have straight hair and it looks really fresh and clean on them. Ill admit I have bought a few pieces from there only because I needed the basic sweatshirt that will keep me warm. I used it for its functionality, not their style.

Get Glam?? Party Girl?? Were they serious??

I used to work at Bebe. I can understand what glamourous may mean to some, but I am tired of glamorous being laced with sleazy/sexy. bebe is also way over the edge with their advertising.

So now we are told that to get attention from a man we have to wear these dresses and be this thin. So we can guarantee a kiss? I know this is not a new concept. But so many women fall for it every day. The point im trying to make is that the entire concept of glamour and sexy has been so obscured in our minds that we no longer can decide for ourselves what looks sexy. Its not about us anymore, its about everyone else's image of us. And are we so desperate to get a guys attention solely by the clothes we wear? I wonder if women went out to clubs wearing very basic plain clothes. Will they feel sexy? confident? Able to approach men? Probably not. Why?

I am not saying that its okay to look innapropriate in public. For example, I have seen women go out in public in what they think is appropriate for them. Whether it means her not wearing a bra and wearing long hippie skirts and not having her hair washed for 10 days. -Or wearing clothes that are too tight, or too sleazy for a saturday afternoon. I can agree there are certain rules of decorum. And this description would fit those who are just mentally ill. Get with times too, ya know

I had a conversation with someone about the meaning of originality. The concept of a mall defeats the entire concept of being original. A mall is a place where all "accepted" stores are. It is a foolproof place for people to go to get an idea of the current trends. It is a place where people go to buy prepackaged individuality. There is nothing original about all the stores in a mall. Its societies stamp of approval of what is acceptable to put on your body. Its a conglomerated place of social acceptance. Now, if you are one of those people that go from store to store to put pieces together, then I can give you credit for trying. But again, if you do that - you are also trying very hard to be original. So what does original mean when it comes to fashion and style?

I think I have come to the conclusion that original doesn't exist unless you are the one designing your own clothing. If you have a favorite designer in which you can identify with their styles and you wear that clothing, then good for you in supporting that designer, and good luck on your journey in finding identification in clothing.

I have gone very astray from my original idea here. I want to address glamour. What is it? How do your choices in clothing reflect your identity?

I wont go further. Please Ponder :)

Friday, December 12, 2008

Vexed and Perplexed

Because so often there are many many topics that I wish to blog about, but never seem to remember, I'm going to post another one of my listed ramblings of thoughts that come to mind without even thinking. This is a clear way to organize my thoughts and possibly give me focus on the topics that are overwhelming my mind recently.

1. Staying at home with a cuddly cat and being with your own company is the happiest kind of happy.

2. I dont think the show Frasier is really that funny.

3. I wish I had cable. But then remember that it would consume a very unhealthy part of my existence.

4. I really dont know how it is already Dec. 13, 2008.

5. I am slowly gaining a new obsession with vintage home decorating.

6. My kitten is the cutest I have ever owned. Seriously. I wont go into detail.

7. Im still trying to find focus.

8. Im tired of entertaining

9. P Diddy is the most cocky conceited man I have ever heard speak. Watch his last interview with Jimmy Kimmel.

10. I really want to try those new M&M Premiums. Do you think they will be all that different?

Can you decipher what im doing? Yea- me neither. Gosh I'm so much smarter than this...

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

No Need to Argue

Its been a while. I have been getting requests for a new post. I'll admit, it takes a lot out of me to get going on a blog post..but what I forget to realize is that once you get going with writing, it all flows.

I see writing like giving. It takes time,some hesitation, and trust when you want to give. Even when the writing is technical or objective; You are giving a part of yourself; your mind and thoughts. Its a little something I read about in a book called Bird by Bird by Anne Lammott

I promised a post about the happenings of the past year for the 20 somethings. Since then, I updated a brief description about the goals of this blog on my 20SB page. You can also read the archives to find out what all that was like.

Life in Kansas City as a new Kitty owner, apartment renter, adventure seeker, and as usual, procrastinator, has been fruitful. The romance of the snow falling, coffee brewing and candle burning got me in that craved seasonal mood this morning. Today was one of those days I felt in love... with myself.

Time seems to pass so fast that its so hard to stop for just a second and take in the good in life. I had a conversation with a good friend about optimism vs. pessimism. More often than not pessimists will tell you that you are delusional in your optimism. They are the realists and we are just annoying.
No one ever denied that life is hard. Yes, we can all agree that even when life does get us down, there is no use in complaining about it and getting depressed. (although I must admit, a small sick part of me sometimes takes pleasure in complaining about the changes,adaptations and sacrifices I have had to make over the past year, and how many hurdles I have had to jump. ) Indeed, its all part of the learning process. See? I just go back right to seeing the good in it all.

Some people love drama. They love to sit and dwell over all the shit they have been through. They thrive on over dramatic displays of emotion. This is often emotionally draining for the people that have to listen to you! Take note that it is important and considerate to think of those around you. We have lives that are happening RIGHT NOW. If we continue to live in our past, will we ever get to our future? Tomorrow is gone forever. The best you can do is live the now and if what you are doing right now is going to lead you to a better tomorrow- then good for you. If not- please reconsider evaluating your goals in life, cuz I don't want to have to hear about every single move you made during the tumultuous time in your life. If you can offer me some sort of lesson, reflection, or bottom line- I would be glad to listen . Otherwise- shut up and move on.

On the flip, I also think there should be more room in life for compassion and affection.

Last week, I shocked myself by a simple act of kindness. For any of you who live in KC, you all know about Jerry on the Plaza. He is a panhandler who sits on busy street corners and yells " Im tryna raise a down payment on a cheeseburger" - while holding out a paper cup in your face as you pass by. Tourists love this because they think its a funny line. For those of us who have been here long enough, we all know that Jerry is not homeless. As a matter of fact, he has a nice house. He often frequents my favorite coffee shop and talks really loudly about how much he has made so far that day etc. I have seen him conversing with my barista friends and have seen a human side to him that I never expected to come out in the past 4 years. I pass by him with out ever giving him a cent. ( At times he is rude and need I say-- annoying? ) I was driving and as I hit the stop light, there was Jerry on the corner sitting on his crate. I wasn't even thinking when I found myself opening my window making chat with Jerry. He recognized me from the coffee shop and I corrected him on my name. I told him I didn't have much. He said anything would do. Searching for change in my car- I couldn't find anything in time to catch the light. Soon after my attempt, He grabbed my hand and kissed it "God Bless" . I drove away in complete awe as to what the hell had gotten into me. I mean- I really despise that guy! Maybe I was craving human contact, maybe I wanted him to know that I knew his name. Maybe I was just in a good mood and felt like being friendly. I don't know what it was, but all I know is that I drove away with a weird smile on my face. I guess its a sense of community that was created at that moment. I still do believe he is a little mentally ill... Yes, that must have been it. Sympathy.

Next time you see Jerry out on the corner, try talking to him and listen to all the crazy that comes out of his mouth. Hey- he is a human being too. :p

Compassion is officially the word of the season. I believe that even in the most evil or plastic of people you meet they do have a heart. I was watching the Grinch on ABC , and laughed out loud at the part when the Grinch realizes he has a heart that can BEAT- and when it does he screams in pain. :p

To have passion means to suffer. Passion comes from the Latin word Passio which means to suffer ... Derive from that what you wish. There is a lot of meaning in that word. To endure... maybe this is why Mel Gibson titled the movie "The Passion of the Christ" this way?

If you are passionate, you are bound to suffer. And if you suffer you will inevitably grow.

So, be human and give. grow. be compassionate and passionate. Who knows the outcome anyway?