To be or ...Just to be.

OK. I'm ready now.

Sometimes having too much too say makes a person not know what to say at all. We go around with so many thoughts in our heads... So much we want to say to the world, so much to confess, proclaim, and so much we desire in life that it becomes overwhelming and you just dont know where to start. So you simply . Dont.

Its a little thing I learned in college when I had a really long tedious paper to do or research I needed to get going on, but I simply wouldn't because the task was so daunting, .. it would take away so much from me, and in the end after I have procrastinated so much about it, I am left with the stress and drama of doing it...It seems like its the only way to get anywhere. leaving it all to the wind and then let it all come crashing out like a stream of random BS, or sometimes not. Sometimes taking that baby step of just starting on a project is half of the progress... then it all ebbs and flows and ebbs and flows...

Its what I have learned about writing, and myself.
Just do it.

I'm alone on 'Christmas Eve' - and although my family never celebrated it when I was growing up- I still have a sense of obligation to myself to neglect my daily routine and do something- anything .

Just because its a holiday that everyone else takes part in regardless of their belief in it?? It seems more like an American tradition for a lot of people more than the meaning of it. If you don't do anything special during this time of year, you inevitably feel like an outsider. Its like an instilled feeling-- or expectation that society puts on people during times like these. What if you dont have any family? What happens when all your friends are with their families... are you just expected to sit around and feel lonely? Just because........ ?

Being with family can be painful for some people. I understand that its not because they dont love them, but sometimes its because we love them so much that its to painful to be around them. The overwhelming sense that these people you grew up with are now all living their own lives. We are all so uninvolved with one another , and its kind of heartbreaking. So we simply avoid it. We go through the acts and motions of being there during the holidays and exchanging smiles and small talk because its what expected. -- regardless of all you have been through together with "these people" . Yea- you are blood.

Being with yourself and enjoying your own company is very important. Its part of self love. But being with other people or a significant other can also suffocate you. Where is the happy balance, and how can one 'keep it real' all through out?

When I was growing up, we never had a Christmas tree or lights or any other the other shenanigans. But my family would still drive around and look at all the elaborate light displays. I would still bring cookies to class in elementary school for all the holiday celebrations. I would celebrate all the holidays everywhere else outside of my own home. My parents were the kind that would drag me and my other three brothers to dinner parties every other weekend. It seemed pretty normal most of the time. The families were almost always Arab. More so, Muslim Arabs. But on one particular cold December night we went to a house with lights and Christmas trees. they were also Arab; Christians. I was so confused as to why or how Arabs - regardless of their religion would have a tree in their house. It never occurred to me that Christian Arabs existed. I asked the little girl at the house why they had a tree . She said it was for Christmas of course. at the time I was skeptical about if she had lied and said they were Muslim and they just wanted to celebrate Christmas- because that is what she had told me, or what were they really??
On the drive home my dad said that they were Muslims, but had a tree because it was just American culture to have a tree up and they were trying to copy everyone else!
Imagine how confused I was. All I knew was that we were Muslim, and didn't celebrate the birth of Jesus.

To say the least, I am still confused. Would it be okay to put up a tree and go along with the traditions of giving and the nine yards of trees and lights - just because it was fun? -Or is it not because Muslims dont believe that they should imitate? What is the real story behind all this Christmas time anyway? We all know that Santa was a fabrication... but why? And who decided that we would celebrate the birth of Jesus like this? Besides, dont Christians believe that he was born in a barn and not under a tree? I was taught that Jesus was born under a tree. A palm tree. A lot of Muslims think that by participating in all the festivities of Christmas that you are committing a sin. -because you are associating the practices with yourself - as a Muslim. We have our holidays, and we should stick to those only. When did other religions, for example... atheists, do they celebrate Christmas? Who decided that? What is celebrated because of the tradition and culture, and what is celebrated because of its true meaning? Will majority of Muslims in America get to that point too?

What is the harm? I do know I celebrate Halloween and Valentines day. Is it because there is no religious significance in those holidays? Or is Halloween a satanic celebration, as some Muslims would say, and I shouldn't have fun with that either? Am I playing with fire? God knows.

I sincerely do wish my friends, and you, have a 'merry Christmas' though. From the bottom of my heart.

xoxo