Null and not Void

Being here in Oman was the most selfless thing I have done in a long time.

Im totally refreshed. and truly new.

For the first time in a long time, ive realized how selfish I have been in the past.
Life gets distracting when you are juggling so many things, you lose perspective- and forget whats important. This is soppy- but hear me out, cuz its so true.

We so often complain about the things that we dont have, or the things in life that we want- or the pressures and sacrifices we have made-- We also very often forget that the world we create for ourselves is not the high all end all. There are other people in your life that may need you. There are people in your life that truly have your best interest at heart. We are selfish. Our culture can be a selfish and sick one- if you let it dictate you. Families dont want to get involved in eachothers lives, cuz we all make sure that we are not stepping on eachothers tails, or that we are getting too close. What happened to the days when you called your brother or good friend just to say hello and see whats going on in their life.. ask about them perhaps? -- without them asking what it is you want? I wonder how many people out there take time out of their lives to just call others that mean something to them, without really xpecting anything in return.Maybe im exagerrating a bit- because I know plenty of families that do do that, including my own- and im very thankful for that.

I dont know how I got on that tangent. I guess I suddenly realized how much I have learned by being here- as the time comes nearer for me to leave.

I thank God. Without God and religion, we are nothing. Without it, we can easily neglect to count the blessings in our lives, and truly mean it.

Now go call your mother.

xoxo...
...

Your Real Age

Ugh! what was I on with that last post?! Please, excuse the bad writing. I want to go through it and tear it apart! (for you non- writers, that means 'edit') I guess that's what chocolate cake does to you.

So, I was doing something really important until I realized that I need sleep. I have reverted back to US time. Its as if my body is somehow trying to very sneakily tell me that its time to go home. And yes- it is folks. Count down within one month.

I can literally feel my heart pumping at this very moment. I haven't felt that in quite a while. It must have something to do with the chest press reps I've been doing lately. I'm so excited!

I haven't really felt Oman lately. I have isolated myself into a planning and finicky little hole. The thought of facing Omanis makes me feel like I'm forced to go on a dreaded family vacation- or something.

I can hardly walk, or shop around here without feeling harassed by a zillion eyes. I prefer to walk late at night, with nature. Sometimes you can see every star in the sky, because the air is so clear here. I'm thankful that Oman is so scenic and beautiful. Dubai seems void of nature.

If it were to rain here for a few days, the desert would be so plush with greenery. Sometimes the every day bright sun can get annoying. In Kansas, I look forward to sunny days as I pull open the blinds each morning- like a surprise waiting to be revealed. Here I don't even have that sense of anxiety. Instead- I long for a gloomy cloudy day. It brings such a warm sense of coziness. It doesn't come around these parts often. Mind you- most Omanis have never heard really loud thunder before. Imagine not knowing what that sounds or feels like, for that matter.

See? I've learned to appreciate you, Kansas.

I remember driving down K10 with sun roof and all windows open, and everything is so green. I'm tired of brown here.

But as I say this with a large sigh- I will always miss the ocean. Nothing can replace Oman's beautiful coastline.

OK, enough reminiscing about a place in which I currently reside. Oxymoron anyone?

Love Love,
MY

Eye Of Your Mind

Try asking me why I cant sleep?
Or why I cant move?
Is this what it means to truly feel a loss?

Blame the espresso, or the chocolate cake.
but just dont ask me why.

A loss in time -look behind you.
you cant even feel the ground beneath your feet.

if you are catching up, take a sec to look around you instead.

-
Need a little time to wake up, wake up.
To rest your mind, you know you should so I guess you might as wellllll........
So, whats the story, morning glory?

-OASIS

The story is that -- here-- you are in the middle of the desert. Im telling you, people wont change. Bedoins are still doing what their ancestors did, even though they have all the resources and technology in their hands. No matter how the world changes, if minds dont grow with it, we stay in the stone ages.

I remember when I was in the hospital with my mother, bedoin women in the hospital used to come say hello and visit. On one days chat with one of the women, she asked me what the weather was like in America, and during our conversation that I kept carrying on because I thought it was interesting- I realized that this woman still didnt know that the earth was round. She didnt know why time was different in America vs Oman. I tried to explain it to her- and all the information was new. I gave her the benefit of doubt-- She recognized that she didnt have a formal education. I respected that. She was still confident, strong and secure with herself- not embarressed. There are too many lessons in this story - I cant get into it. :p

She kept telling me that she was going to find me a husband and that I had to get married.

I wont forget her face.

She had a cell phone in her pocket. She would answer it - but did it ever occur to her how sound can travel through a tiny device , and that the person on the other end was in an entirely different location, yet- that time IS DIFFERENT on other parts of the globe?

Her face was clear, brown and full., she had perfect teeth and such a pretty smile.
She covered it with a scary bedoin -- what I like to call-- 'mask', that my cat would even run away from upon encounter.

Tell me to stop thinking, cuz I can't unless im asleep. Even then my brain wont stop.
You've heard my dreams.

Arrivederci friends...

~MY

3am

It seems I am only motivated and inspired to write in the wee hours of the night.

Im listening to Teagan and Sara- which for some reason brings me this strange sense of peace and content.

I am weary about the US economy. I was thinking about how America has deteriorated into not becoming one of the greatest places to live in the world. Thanks to Buck Fush- America is in recession- no one wants to admit it, but this is true. Do you think anything will change when we have a new president? I doubt...It'll take some precious time that most people don't have. They have to pay their bills. They have to send their kids to good schools, they have fill their cars with gas. The same gas that I pay 20 cents a litre for here in Oman. They also have to EAT FRUIT which is becoming increasingly expensive...

Do you think America is the best place to live? Im starting to have my doubts. I felt it in the air in O'Hare. People are a bit panicky. No one looks at each other.

It bothers me even more to know that most Americans dont even REALIZE that there is A WORLD that they live in... the world is NOT America. Lets not forget the gracious beauty that other parts of the world posses...

I drove to one of the highest mountain peaks here in Muscat. The view was more than breath taking. I could see the beach shore line for miles and miles. Looking below was a vast vast vast ocean spread out into oblivion. Everything below as tiny as legos. Lining the crashing waves are buildings and mountains. You know-- that song that I love? buildings and mountains? hehe...Aw, my brother has phenomenal musical taste.

Anyway...

For my graduating class- Hows the job search going? Not sure over here. With the economy and all :p

Kisses and bunchkins.
~MY