MJ

Michael Jackson died today. I feel completely inspired, yet so sad.

This day is symbolic in so many ways, but just yet another reminder of how precious, valuable, and fragile life really is.

I hope you take these tragic deaths (Farah Fawcett, McMahon...) as a catalyst to propel you to take the time to ask yourself, what you really want to live for, and how you want to be remembered.

No matter how invincible or immortal we thought he was - his time came, and just as no one could have predicted it- we cant do the same for our own. Inevitable.

I made a true prayer for MJ today. I know he is having a dance party in heaven now.

The End for him. but not for you.

live love laugh.

...
my

Rights of time Passage

Im way to tired to even think about what the contents of this blog post will be.

So,

Dear Blog,

I have missed you. I missed you when the New Year came in and new things started happening. I missed you when I decided that eating home made waffles was more important than writing. I missed you when 2009 rang in and everything changed but my computer was off and not to be turned on for I am just too tired. I missed you when everything changed. I missed you when I felt like I had stepped out of myself again. Once I stepped back in, I realized that writing is always the best way to organize/ compartmentalize my thoughts.

Its a new year, but I still cant seem to shake off 2008. I wanted it to stay once I realized that the more time passed by the more I would start to feel pain. I wanted to hold on to the time frame when my mother was still alive. I wanted to still be able to say to people that it had been less than a year since she passed away. I still wanted 2008 because I am not done having a grieving excuse. I dont want February to pass, as all my memories remain as if they were yesterday. 2008 was too heavy of a year for it to simply pass casually in time- its as if it ignored me and went on its merry way without realizing that I am not yet done. I am not done.

Is it that simple? Is that just it? You live, you try to make the best of it all and most times its shitty because you slip and fall slip and fall , pick up the pieces over and over and over again only to realize that your 80 years old and your life is going to end? Or how about just not knowing when you are going to die- but reminded of the guarantee that you someday will?

Thinking ahead and moving forward without having dealt with the past can be dangerous. How would a person know that what they are doing right now is not just a manifestation of how screwed up (or maybe great) their past was? Is your past always meaning to shape you?

I passed by a live shot (news crew) while taking a walk today, and as I had worked with that station in the past, a small part of me immediately wanted to go over and see what the story was all about, talk to the reporter and videographer, not only because I knew who they were, but because I still felt like I wanted to be a part of all that. But my visions have changed, and instead I just walked away. If 2008 didnt turn out the way it did- would I still have had the same career goals? Maybe I would have become compleltey oblivious and never have asked all these questions. I might have turned out to be an entirely different person. But the wind of Tv Journalism did not catch me by storm as it had originally intended. I was on that path. But apparently, 2008 had a different path for me. Now im left with the debris, and 2008 just left me here.

I guess its not dangerous, it was just meant to be.

Eye Of Your Mind

Try asking me why I cant sleep?
Or why I cant move?
Is this what it means to truly feel a loss?

Blame the espresso, or the chocolate cake.
but just dont ask me why.

A loss in time -look behind you.
you cant even feel the ground beneath your feet.

if you are catching up, take a sec to look around you instead.

-
Need a little time to wake up, wake up.
To rest your mind, you know you should so I guess you might as wellllll........
So, whats the story, morning glory?

-OASIS

The story is that -- here-- you are in the middle of the desert. Im telling you, people wont change. Bedoins are still doing what their ancestors did, even though they have all the resources and technology in their hands. No matter how the world changes, if minds dont grow with it, we stay in the stone ages.

I remember when I was in the hospital with my mother, bedoin women in the hospital used to come say hello and visit. On one days chat with one of the women, she asked me what the weather was like in America, and during our conversation that I kept carrying on because I thought it was interesting- I realized that this woman still didnt know that the earth was round. She didnt know why time was different in America vs Oman. I tried to explain it to her- and all the information was new. I gave her the benefit of doubt-- She recognized that she didnt have a formal education. I respected that. She was still confident, strong and secure with herself- not embarressed. There are too many lessons in this story - I cant get into it. :p

She kept telling me that she was going to find me a husband and that I had to get married.

I wont forget her face.

She had a cell phone in her pocket. She would answer it - but did it ever occur to her how sound can travel through a tiny device , and that the person on the other end was in an entirely different location, yet- that time IS DIFFERENT on other parts of the globe?

Her face was clear, brown and full., she had perfect teeth and such a pretty smile.
She covered it with a scary bedoin -- what I like to call-- 'mask', that my cat would even run away from upon encounter.

Tell me to stop thinking, cuz I can't unless im asleep. Even then my brain wont stop.
You've heard my dreams.

Arrivederci friends...

~MY