Hello Again Everyone!
I am well, and feeling 100% better after a week of sickness and recovery. I must say - I am rarely ill- the last time I was that sick was in the bout of stress and insanity planning the Annual Women in Business conference in Muscat, Oman last year! I cant imagine that I was indeed stressed recently and that it caused the flu. I have been spending a lot of time at the gym and moving around much much much! My little niece was sick and its pathetic to think that I caught it from a 3 month old. Besides all that I am healthy and ready to attack my writing once again.
I finished reading a million little pieces. I am surprised I got to the end of it. I am a huge procrastinator and regardless of the fact that details in this book were fabricated- I took it to the end and really enjoyed it. I don't read much fiction, but I am still going to read the sequel, My Friend Leonard.
I am also still having ( a crisis of faith), and reading, Sam Harris - The End of Faith.
I wont list all the rest of the books I'm reading because frankly, who really cares? (only I care.)
Here is what is on the forefront of my observations today.
A few hours ago, as I sat in my new fave coffee place to write and contemplate, and after making my way through crowds of green, parade goers, children, strollers, dogs and drunkenness, I was beginning to think the world was good and kind- until this new barista started yelling and complaining about everyone who walked in the door to only use the restroom. So she angrily hung a sign on the door that read "NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS".
Come on lady. People have been drinking green beer since 6 am this morning. Give a lad a break :p
A man walks in and heads straight for the restroom- she tells him he cant use it unless he buys coffee. He says he will- she says "well then the line would start HERE sir. Not over there near the restroom. There is no restroom without purchase." He walked out angrily shouting "GOOD GOD!" I had to laugh.
The whole scenario caused a stir for little green Midwesterners. Until I realize that not everyone in this place is from here. Across from me was an true redheaded Irish girl, and a Greek catholic that started having conversation about the angry drunk man. She starts telling him how surprised she is about how festive Americans are for St Patty's day celebrations. How wonderful the parade was. She was also surprised to see that Americans are a lot more sober that the Irish on St. Patrick's Day. Of course lady.
She loves Kansas City and is visiting America to "take a walk with God and Jesus" - and trying to find herself on this journey. She is with IHOP - International House of Prayer. I'm seeing these people more and more. They seem to have this need to talk about their religion with every single person they talk to and frankly - Its a little annoying and self righteous. Yesterday I had a tour of the Kansas City Art Incubator and met a man holding a rat , as if it were his puppy, and he was also with IHOP. He is growing dreadlocks and is a struggling artist. He was from Minnesota. Are they in town? It sounds like a band tour or something.- Not religion. I think he thinks he must fit the mold. This wave of young cool people who are into "God" like it is fashion and cool to have a "relationship with Jesus" Is this real? Or is it just a fat community that thrives on the emotion of wanting to belong to something and attaching God and religion to it? It doesn't sit well with me.
This girl had a thick Irish accent. I realized it wasn't just an American Fad, but its all over. Something tells me this is new, young and hip- and that older generations didn't experience this brand of religion. Did young America take it to Europe? How and why do they feel it is their duty to "spread the gospel?"
The girl left and said to the old catholic man "God Bless."
So same to you.
More to come later.
I promise!
Love.
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Misery, Lets Agree to Disagree
I'm tormented in my writing. I have a deadline.
Its almost a year later and my entire existence seems to be scattered with tidbits , thoughts and memories of my mother. Anyone who ever said that the pain will subside was wrong.
Its impossible to find focus. I just want to write about her, and everything in my life in comparison to her seems the peak of frivolity.
Last January on this day, I was sitting next to her hospital bed, in a different country, with a different life. I ceased to exist in my selfishness and my entire life could no longer be what it was.
I cant have a single thought or emotion without questioning. Constantly having questions. Questions that I don't think I will ever be able to answer. In comparison, nothing seems real. I don't even know that I am real right now. If one year that changed your life can pass by so quickly, and can simply fade as a memory - what does it mean to really live? We are left with the memories, the pain and the lessons. They just wont go away. You are in idiot if you think you can constantly escape. I have always understood why people take drugs. Constant escapism. Dealing with yourself can be too hard to endure, so just take the easy way instead of actually suffering and learning. One only really learns when they suffer. All of the prophets suffered. No great person in history would have been remembered if they too didnt suffer. Martin Luther, you are remembered today- and tomorrow during inauguration, will be your day.
In those moments of desperation that we all have, the moment you are alone with no one to hear you cry - you remember. The memories come flooding and only then do you want to redeem yourself to the people you love, the people you hurt, the mistakes you have made.You suddenly want to reach out to the world to make your mark in life. Because you realize what is truly important in the end. But its short lived. What would our lives be like if we tried to remember those moments of desperation when we don't feel like it? When we are so wrapped up in our own lives it helps to remember those times.
Brace yourselves.
Its almost a year later and my entire existence seems to be scattered with tidbits , thoughts and memories of my mother. Anyone who ever said that the pain will subside was wrong.
Its impossible to find focus. I just want to write about her, and everything in my life in comparison to her seems the peak of frivolity.
Last January on this day, I was sitting next to her hospital bed, in a different country, with a different life. I ceased to exist in my selfishness and my entire life could no longer be what it was.
I cant have a single thought or emotion without questioning. Constantly having questions. Questions that I don't think I will ever be able to answer. In comparison, nothing seems real. I don't even know that I am real right now. If one year that changed your life can pass by so quickly, and can simply fade as a memory - what does it mean to really live? We are left with the memories, the pain and the lessons. They just wont go away. You are in idiot if you think you can constantly escape. I have always understood why people take drugs. Constant escapism. Dealing with yourself can be too hard to endure, so just take the easy way instead of actually suffering and learning. One only really learns when they suffer. All of the prophets suffered. No great person in history would have been remembered if they too didnt suffer. Martin Luther, you are remembered today- and tomorrow during inauguration, will be your day.
In those moments of desperation that we all have, the moment you are alone with no one to hear you cry - you remember. The memories come flooding and only then do you want to redeem yourself to the people you love, the people you hurt, the mistakes you have made.You suddenly want to reach out to the world to make your mark in life. Because you realize what is truly important in the end. But its short lived. What would our lives be like if we tried to remember those moments of desperation when we don't feel like it? When we are so wrapped up in our own lives it helps to remember those times.
Brace yourselves.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Happy Time
Im here to wish you a happy New Year.
For all the goals and dreams that are yet to be fulfilled in the coming year, I wish the best to you and yours.
Love,
my.
For all the goals and dreams that are yet to be fulfilled in the coming year, I wish the best to you and yours.
Love,
my.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
To be or ...Just to be.
OK. I'm ready now.
Sometimes having too much too say makes a person not know what to say at all. We go around with so many thoughts in our heads... So much we want to say to the world, so much to confess, proclaim, and so much we desire in life that it becomes overwhelming and you just dont know where to start. So you simply . Dont.
Its a little thing I learned in college when I had a really long tedious paper to do or research I needed to get going on, but I simply wouldn't because the task was so daunting, .. it would take away so much from me, and in the end after I have procrastinated so much about it, I am left with the stress and drama of doing it...It seems like its the only way to get anywhere. leaving it all to the wind and then let it all come crashing out like a stream of random BS, or sometimes not. Sometimes taking that baby step of just starting on a project is half of the progress... then it all ebbs and flows and ebbs and flows...
Its what I have learned about writing, and myself.
Just do it.
I'm alone on 'Christmas Eve' - and although my family never celebrated it when I was growing up- I still have a sense of obligation to myself to neglect my daily routine and do something- anything .
Just because its a holiday that everyone else takes part in regardless of their belief in it?? It seems more like an American tradition for a lot of people more than the meaning of it. If you don't do anything special during this time of year, you inevitably feel like an outsider. Its like an instilled feeling-- or expectation that society puts on people during times like these. What if you dont have any family? What happens when all your friends are with their families... are you just expected to sit around and feel lonely? Just because........ ?
Being with family can be painful for some people. I understand that its not because they dont love them, but sometimes its because we love them so much that its to painful to be around them. The overwhelming sense that these people you grew up with are now all living their own lives. We are all so uninvolved with one another , and its kind of heartbreaking. So we simply avoid it. We go through the acts and motions of being there during the holidays and exchanging smiles and small talk because its what expected. -- regardless of all you have been through together with "these people" . Yea- you are blood.
Being with yourself and enjoying your own company is very important. Its part of self love. But being with other people or a significant other can also suffocate you. Where is the happy balance, and how can one 'keep it real' all through out?
When I was growing up, we never had a Christmas tree or lights or any other the other shenanigans. But my family would still drive around and look at all the elaborate light displays. I would still bring cookies to class in elementary school for all the holiday celebrations. I would celebrate all the holidays everywhere else outside of my own home. My parents were the kind that would drag me and my other three brothers to dinner parties every other weekend. It seemed pretty normal most of the time. The families were almost always Arab. More so, Muslim Arabs. But on one particular cold December night we went to a house with lights and Christmas trees. they were also Arab; Christians. I was so confused as to why or how Arabs - regardless of their religion would have a tree in their house. It never occurred to me that Christian Arabs existed. I asked the little girl at the house why they had a tree . She said it was for Christmas of course. at the time I was skeptical about if she had lied and said they were Muslim and they just wanted to celebrate Christmas- because that is what she had told me, or what were they really??
On the drive home my dad said that they were Muslims, but had a tree because it was just American culture to have a tree up and they were trying to copy everyone else!
Imagine how confused I was. All I knew was that we were Muslim, and didn't celebrate the birth of Jesus.
To say the least, I am still confused. Would it be okay to put up a tree and go along with the traditions of giving and the nine yards of trees and lights - just because it was fun? -Or is it not because Muslims dont believe that they should imitate? What is the real story behind all this Christmas time anyway? We all know that Santa was a fabrication... but why? And who decided that we would celebrate the birth of Jesus like this? Besides, dont Christians believe that he was born in a barn and not under a tree? I was taught that Jesus was born under a tree. A palm tree. A lot of Muslims think that by participating in all the festivities of Christmas that you are committing a sin. -because you are associating the practices with yourself - as a Muslim. We have our holidays, and we should stick to those only. When did other religions, for example... atheists, do they celebrate Christmas? Who decided that? What is celebrated because of the tradition and culture, and what is celebrated because of its true meaning? Will majority of Muslims in America get to that point too?
What is the harm? I do know I celebrate Halloween and Valentines day. Is it because there is no religious significance in those holidays? Or is Halloween a satanic celebration, as some Muslims would say, and I shouldn't have fun with that either? Am I playing with fire? God knows.
I sincerely do wish my friends, and you, have a 'merry Christmas' though. From the bottom of my heart.
xoxo
Sometimes having too much too say makes a person not know what to say at all. We go around with so many thoughts in our heads... So much we want to say to the world, so much to confess, proclaim, and so much we desire in life that it becomes overwhelming and you just dont know where to start. So you simply . Dont.
Its a little thing I learned in college when I had a really long tedious paper to do or research I needed to get going on, but I simply wouldn't because the task was so daunting, .. it would take away so much from me, and in the end after I have procrastinated so much about it, I am left with the stress and drama of doing it...It seems like its the only way to get anywhere. leaving it all to the wind and then let it all come crashing out like a stream of random BS, or sometimes not. Sometimes taking that baby step of just starting on a project is half of the progress... then it all ebbs and flows and ebbs and flows...
Its what I have learned about writing, and myself.
Just do it.
I'm alone on 'Christmas Eve' - and although my family never celebrated it when I was growing up- I still have a sense of obligation to myself to neglect my daily routine and do something- anything .
Just because its a holiday that everyone else takes part in regardless of their belief in it?? It seems more like an American tradition for a lot of people more than the meaning of it. If you don't do anything special during this time of year, you inevitably feel like an outsider. Its like an instilled feeling-- or expectation that society puts on people during times like these. What if you dont have any family? What happens when all your friends are with their families... are you just expected to sit around and feel lonely? Just because........ ?
Being with family can be painful for some people. I understand that its not because they dont love them, but sometimes its because we love them so much that its to painful to be around them. The overwhelming sense that these people you grew up with are now all living their own lives. We are all so uninvolved with one another , and its kind of heartbreaking. So we simply avoid it. We go through the acts and motions of being there during the holidays and exchanging smiles and small talk because its what expected. -- regardless of all you have been through together with "these people" . Yea- you are blood.
Being with yourself and enjoying your own company is very important. Its part of self love. But being with other people or a significant other can also suffocate you. Where is the happy balance, and how can one 'keep it real' all through out?
When I was growing up, we never had a Christmas tree or lights or any other the other shenanigans. But my family would still drive around and look at all the elaborate light displays. I would still bring cookies to class in elementary school for all the holiday celebrations. I would celebrate all the holidays everywhere else outside of my own home. My parents were the kind that would drag me and my other three brothers to dinner parties every other weekend. It seemed pretty normal most of the time. The families were almost always Arab. More so, Muslim Arabs. But on one particular cold December night we went to a house with lights and Christmas trees. they were also Arab; Christians. I was so confused as to why or how Arabs - regardless of their religion would have a tree in their house. It never occurred to me that Christian Arabs existed. I asked the little girl at the house why they had a tree . She said it was for Christmas of course. at the time I was skeptical about if she had lied and said they were Muslim and they just wanted to celebrate Christmas- because that is what she had told me, or what were they really??
On the drive home my dad said that they were Muslims, but had a tree because it was just American culture to have a tree up and they were trying to copy everyone else!
Imagine how confused I was. All I knew was that we were Muslim, and didn't celebrate the birth of Jesus.
To say the least, I am still confused. Would it be okay to put up a tree and go along with the traditions of giving and the nine yards of trees and lights - just because it was fun? -Or is it not because Muslims dont believe that they should imitate? What is the real story behind all this Christmas time anyway? We all know that Santa was a fabrication... but why? And who decided that we would celebrate the birth of Jesus like this? Besides, dont Christians believe that he was born in a barn and not under a tree? I was taught that Jesus was born under a tree. A palm tree. A lot of Muslims think that by participating in all the festivities of Christmas that you are committing a sin. -because you are associating the practices with yourself - as a Muslim. We have our holidays, and we should stick to those only. When did other religions, for example... atheists, do they celebrate Christmas? Who decided that? What is celebrated because of the tradition and culture, and what is celebrated because of its true meaning? Will majority of Muslims in America get to that point too?
What is the harm? I do know I celebrate Halloween and Valentines day. Is it because there is no religious significance in those holidays? Or is Halloween a satanic celebration, as some Muslims would say, and I shouldn't have fun with that either? Am I playing with fire? God knows.
I sincerely do wish my friends, and you, have a 'merry Christmas' though. From the bottom of my heart.
xoxo
Friday, November 28, 2008
Another Playground
I always write the title of my blogs by randomly choosing words, by the way the sound- at the end of writing my post.
Its Black Friday. Every year I get into the hype of it before the actual day. I then make an attempt to take advantage of the doorbusters. Today it ended immediately after walking into one store and waited in line. People are totally disgusting when it comes to shopping. Especially women. I worked retail for a long time in college- seeing women scramble in lines and spend money that they dont have is indicative of this consumer driven society we live in. (Is that what makes us powerful as a country? Our customer service skills? Our fake attempts at making the clientele feel special and taken care of at the store? Is it that "personal touch" that makes us buy more? Why are we constantly trying to prove to others - when it comes to spending? Women get so weak when someone is trying to sell them...Ive been that sales person, I dont like doing it.)
Holidays in the states turns people into a frenzy, and instead of everyone buckling down and preventing themselves from drowning in bills, they run out to get more more more. Its a sickness. Today I refused to be a part of that. If the holidays are about giving, then give to yourself. And for the people you love, do something thoughtful that they will appreciate and remember.. Cuz the gift you give them will end up on the floor in a few months.
I got flooded with well wishing thanksgiving text messages yesterday that varied in context. One of them :
"Happy commemorative day of genocide of an indigenous people. Our greatness as a country was a result of mass murder. Enjoy your pie. "
Ha Ha! I laughed out loud- But, has anything changed this year? Actually, has anything changed in the history of America? Oh wait- we are still doing that. Oh yea! I forgot! My roots hail from the country of Iraq! How silly of me to forget. Lets keep invading countries, and stealing their resources. Is that what we are made of? It makes me so sick. What are we built on? I have no room to be cheery right now. Ill admit I love the holidays, the spirit, and my salted caramel hot chocolate from Starbucks. I just constantly avoid the thought of the dreadful state of the rest of the world. One of which I come directly from. Iraq. I am first generation. Ultimately it saddens me because there is nothing I can do except sip my freaking latte. I love the spirit of this country and its that feeling that keeps me preoccupied and distracted. Is that a good thing? Is it an emotional survival mechanism? God forbid we think about whats happening in other parts of the world.
Happy Holidays America.
Love,
your Iraqi American friend.
Its Black Friday. Every year I get into the hype of it before the actual day. I then make an attempt to take advantage of the doorbusters. Today it ended immediately after walking into one store and waited in line. People are totally disgusting when it comes to shopping. Especially women. I worked retail for a long time in college- seeing women scramble in lines and spend money that they dont have is indicative of this consumer driven society we live in. (Is that what makes us powerful as a country? Our customer service skills? Our fake attempts at making the clientele feel special and taken care of at the store? Is it that "personal touch" that makes us buy more? Why are we constantly trying to prove to others - when it comes to spending? Women get so weak when someone is trying to sell them...Ive been that sales person, I dont like doing it.)
Holidays in the states turns people into a frenzy, and instead of everyone buckling down and preventing themselves from drowning in bills, they run out to get more more more. Its a sickness. Today I refused to be a part of that. If the holidays are about giving, then give to yourself. And for the people you love, do something thoughtful that they will appreciate and remember.. Cuz the gift you give them will end up on the floor in a few months.
I got flooded with well wishing thanksgiving text messages yesterday that varied in context. One of them :
"Happy commemorative day of genocide of an indigenous people. Our greatness as a country was a result of mass murder. Enjoy your pie. "
Ha Ha! I laughed out loud- But, has anything changed this year? Actually, has anything changed in the history of America? Oh wait- we are still doing that. Oh yea! I forgot! My roots hail from the country of Iraq! How silly of me to forget. Lets keep invading countries, and stealing their resources. Is that what we are made of? It makes me so sick. What are we built on? I have no room to be cheery right now. Ill admit I love the holidays, the spirit, and my salted caramel hot chocolate from Starbucks. I just constantly avoid the thought of the dreadful state of the rest of the world. One of which I come directly from. Iraq. I am first generation. Ultimately it saddens me because there is nothing I can do except sip my freaking latte. I love the spirit of this country and its that feeling that keeps me preoccupied and distracted. Is that a good thing? Is it an emotional survival mechanism? God forbid we think about whats happening in other parts of the world.
Happy Holidays America.
Love,
your Iraqi American friend.
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