The Journey back to my blog after 8 months has been a long one. I have set up a new account with wordpress and still now trying to learn how to navigate there, write, publish and ultimately create what I want from my cyber presence. To begin to write about where the last 8 months has brought me is similar to writing about how a a plant gets rooted. A collection of stories, theories, growing pains, accompanied by new thought...

Getting Real

There is abundance in the world.

There is wealth and prosperity.

The world is full of great opportunities. People do want to help you.

There is love , and you are powerful.

Be affirmative.

Love
Marwa

Yar year 2010

I have not blogged here all year.

And that was a good thing.

2011 brings new things. I plan on doing some documentation.

Past posts give insight into a life that has changed.

If there were no change - I would be quite worried. Im glad to say that much.

Change is necessary.

more soon.

ciao.

snow

there is snow on the ground and I'm really sick of it.

Wake up blog

This is so exciting. Do you ever feel like you just woke up from a very long sleep?
When you wake up its a new world. A new place. Suddenly, everything you once knew comes back to you like a wave. You are in a constant state of deja vu.

You feel utterly connected to yourself. Yourselffff.

Love yourself before you can love anyone else.

Do yourself the favor.

Love,
Me.

Fatty Omega

There arent very many places you can go when you dont know where you left off.
Or
There are many places you can go when you start at the beginning.
Or
There are many places you can go when you know where you left off.
aren't
or
can
or
don't
start
&
know

Make what you will. If you can figure out the train on thought...

less is more

Happy Halloween!
Be creative.
Be safe.
Be happy :)

clear skies

imperitive that I write. Drink Coffee. and stay creative.

try to surround yourself with those that inspire and encourage you to reach your potential. Staying stagnant or forgetting what you love can be dangerous.

or do you only start to love something that you are always surrounded by? What is innate vs. what can grow inside you?

The Best of Times

The end of Summer is near. Im watching Nacho Libre at 9:45 am. Sad, but maybe interesting. This movie only makes me laugh because of the funny accents. Why would you care? I'm not sure. Isn't that what most blogs are these days? Random ramblings about the going ons of life? It's unclear...I just bit my tounge. Ouch. See? :p

The point is- I am writing for the sake of writing. I don't have much to say now only because I have limited my interactions with the world as of late. My life has consisted of brother, sisters, neices, nephews and my dad. [highlight - my dad]

We function as one. As it is in other cultures, such as hispanic for ex, we live breathe and move around eachother. All of our individual plans are influenced by the others. This can sometimes make life stressful. The only way to manage is to take it one day at a time.

The family structure as a group versus individual can pose problems when you are trying to be an individual. But how can one be truly an individual if you are influenced by your family? And how can you grow close to your family if you function solely on your own? I prefer the invasive interactions over the formality that might come with trying to isolate one self in becoming an "individual."

There aren't any people in the world that are as important as your family. Whether you like it or not- blood does make a difference.

The concept of family is subjective. Whom ever you consider family. Make sure to take care of them as they would you.

As much as Im not trying to be lame- I cant help but to think I sound utterly utterly cliche. Oh well. It is what it is. <---(horrible)

Its the truth.

xo,
my.

It will just Happen

Its the beginning of an end. The first of August. Nearing end of summer. The beginning of... ( try and complete the sentence. do it for yourself).

Everyday can be a new beginning. As cliche as it sounds- it is true. I find that once you make a decision, everything around you seems to revolve or contribute around that decision. In the cosmos, the world will favor you. Just have a positive outlook. Nothing is impossible.

This can be dangerous for stubborn people like me. I believe in this, therefore if something is not happening the way I want it to- I force it, and I end up getting hurt and dissapointed.

So I have decided to just let the earth work without trying to worry too much. Ultimately, I do not have the control. Lets learn to just let it be.

blogging

Im so bored and fed up.

The point to when you dont know what to do anymore - because no matter what you do the situation will always seem as if it will get worse. So you end up compromising some things, sacrificing, ignoring the danger that is right in front of your eyes... thinking that it might get better... if you just keep trying.

The ability to be able to look at the BIG picture.. not just the details- as important as they are in some situations, is something not everyone can do. Men in particular have a hard time talking or thinking about problems in the big scheme of life. They tend to look at the minor details. In the end you are the one that ends up looking crazy, and of course, they are innocent. Whether we like it or not- its a mans world.

If women were able to stick together as one force, and demand that we be treated as sacred and spiritual as we were meant to be- then men would rise to the occasion and treat their woman with the love and care they deserve.

But our society has desecrated women. Alas.

The big picture is that we should take a minute and deal with our demons. and not take it out on anyone else.

period.

Painstaking

I have not had a headache this severe in a very long time. I am usually never sick. I take very good care of my health and try to live a balanced life.

This happens when my body goes "off". I'm set off, ticked off, fed up. Its time to completely take care of myself. I have lost myself... and im trying to come back.

I know my worth. I wont try and convince anybody of it. Taking care of ones self is so important. But when you try so hard to take care of those that you love, the balance becomes heavier on one side. Inevitably. Especially for us inherently caring women. Its in our nature.

Take some time to step outside of your own view today. Try and look out for those you love by loving them the way they need. Life is just too short.

xoxo

Never in Moderation

Im feeling very jealous... Of myself.

I read my previpus posts and realized... where did this girl go? Where have I been? Has the wind taken me far enough that I have forgotten? Did I really write all that?

I have missed you of fellow bloggers. And I envy your dedication to your writing.
I have missed you. Time does have a way of sweeping you up- the difference is recognzing when and how and why. Upon coming back down- your perspective is always different. Isnt life so weird and beautiful at the same time?

I do love to write. It seems natural for me to write everyday without heistation. I feel as though once I stop writing- I stop have a lust for knowledge and the desire to learn becomes somehow less. I fail to notice the things that I would normally write about. I fail to notice the culture and life around me as I used to ..-- because writing is truly a vehicle of expressing that which you cannot put into everyday talk. I dont want to just become part of the mundane everyday existance but I thrive being on the outside looking in. What Im trying to say is- writing allows me look at the world in a different light. Because I know that later on, I can document it all.. put it in symbols and words that I wouldnt have usually come up with if I didnt have the anticipation to come home and write about it.

Okay thats enough writing about writing. You get my drift.

Months gone by, and again I sit here wondering how it all happened. Where am I going. Where is this world taking me. Is is really up to me to propel it? Or am I still waiting on some miracle to just fall in my lap?

Wake up calls all around me. I often feel I am in a constant daze. Maybe I am not drinking enough coffee.

Ill keep you posted.

MJ

Michael Jackson died today. I feel completely inspired, yet so sad.

This day is symbolic in so many ways, but just yet another reminder of how precious, valuable, and fragile life really is.

I hope you take these tragic deaths (Farah Fawcett, McMahon...) as a catalyst to propel you to take the time to ask yourself, what you really want to live for, and how you want to be remembered.

No matter how invincible or immortal we thought he was - his time came, and just as no one could have predicted it- we cant do the same for our own. Inevitable.

I made a true prayer for MJ today. I know he is having a dance party in heaven now.

The End for him. but not for you.

live love laugh.

...
my

Transpire

When your heart is heavy. the material doesnt matter.

the metaphysical takes over. the spirit world manifests in reality.

when your heart is so full of love that you dont know where to turn, or what to do with it. -when your mind is so consumed. you become like a drone in the rest of the worlds mundane movements.

when you would do anything to satisfy the needs, or heal the pain, or comfort a soul, when loving becomes more than you can handle. when emotional strife is an understatement. when longing becomes sleeplessness, when feeling becomes too hard... too much...

we move.
slowly.

we ignore. we exist, we try to subsist. frivolities , meaninglessness. sleeplessness.

it will haunt you. dont ignore, give it a face. look in the mirror- who do I want to be? Give in.

too many times we are distracted. too often we forget the purpose., the consequences. each little step today, makes a huge mark tomorrow. one month . one year. 20 years.

Just ask yourself.

make noise, commotion if need be. have people talking. this is your life. your love. your passion.

light fire.

love,
..
my

In The Biz

I am back in business.

More to come soon.

It will be good. Hold on to your hats

....

MY

Rain

The waters have dried out. Everyday is like a baron well, waiting to be filled, so it can give again.

It gives once again, replenished and ready, but no one comes. It waits. It dries.

The rain comes, it fills. It makes it hard, and it hurts as it pounds. It had enough, but it wouldn't stop. You cant tell the rain what to do. It wills itself. When the earth had enough of it, it rose. and it gave back. It had enough - it still did not stop.

The giving the taking only goes so far.
Stop. Take the course, and grow.

On Fire

Here are two songs I cant get enough of lately :

Serenity Now

Time stopped when you came around. The clock ceased to ring. It stayed at 12:15 p.m after a few nights ago. Its' noise was loud, obnoxious. Time was asking to stop, and let live.

Then you left and it wound. It moves on. It reminds you very slowly and gently, beckoning every hour... half hour.

It was beautiful. If not for time- we would not move. If we did not move, we would not live. Its for the moments, for the seconds, and the details we live for ... sometimes slow, fast, all in motion , and all to savor.

We made use of it- forcing ourselves to ignore its rings. So we stopped it completely. Physically , mentally, and the emotion grew and grew.

Make use, let it roll on.

love...

Destinys Destination

I had a dream a very long time ago that this would happen.

I cant explain the exact details, but something tells me that this was all known, and meant to be.

I remember vaguely where I was, and how unexpected the whole scene was. No one knew what to say, but I was incredibly happy. It didn't matter to me that others would be shocked or surprised at what they found out to be my destiny. They soon realize they had to accept it as reality.

The world doesn't always turn and work the way we imagine it to be when we are young. Almost every one of you can look back on the past five years and never expect that anything you thought at the time, would turn out completely different. All of our decisions and delusions change based on the way the world moves us. We can never, ever predict it- or control it entirely. The small choices we make each day turn into the status of your life- right now. Is the divine really involved. Who really knows anyway. Faith.

My head has a numbing feeling inside it, that will not shake with rest. Its the brink of intensity. The feeling you get when you know your mind has had just about enough. At some point, it will come crashing down. Into you... or into someone else. In their arms, or via technology. What would we do without our individual and unique coping mechanisms? I'm sure we can all learn from each other. No one can do it all alone.

In the movie, Into the Wild
, He realizes in the end- Happiness is not real until it is shared.

Whatever mine or your circumstance, I hope there will always be people in your life that will be happy for you, and with you.

Love...
MY